Holy Scripture Rewritten So That Some Tulsa
Churches Are Doing the Right Thing
by Karen McCain
Mark 11:17
And he taught, saying unto them, "Is it not
written, My house shall be called of all nations the house
of prayer? But ye have added a hundred-thousand dollar carousel
and a water fountain of orange juice, so that the children
might be entertained also."
Luke 22: 17-19
And he took the cappuccino and gave thanks,
and said "Take this and sip it among yourselves, For I say
unto you, I will not drink Snickerdoodle until the kingdom
of God shall come. And he took the biscotti and gave thanks,
and brake it, and gave unto them saying, "This is my body,
only covered with chocolate; dip it in remembrance of me every
Sunday morning before you walk into the chapel."
Matthew 6:28,29
"Consider the lilies of the field, how they
drive Mercedes, dress in Laura Ashley and Armani, and wear
expensive jewelry. And yet I say unto you, Mayor Bill LaFortune
in all his glory was not dressed like one of these. Or was
he? I forget."
Luke 20:20&22
"Is it lawful to pay tribute unto Caesar or
not?" And he said unto them "Render unto Caesars what is Caesar's,
then put the rest into a special church-funded credit union."
John 14:6
Jesus saith unto him "I am the way, the truth
and the life; no man cometh unto the Father but by me, and
also by getting the crap scared out of you at a church-sponsored
haunted house."
Mathew 6: 9-13
"Our Benefactor, who is in heaven
You'd better be listening or else.
Thy kingdom better have gold or
Thy will might not be done
On earth like it is in heaven.
Give us this day a lot money-
We already have plenty of bread.
Bother us not with your commandments and
Deliver us from our credit cards,
As we sit in cafes and watch the poor starve.
For thine is the responsibility, duty, and honor
To serve us forever and ever. Amen."
