Received From: Jim
man, as a guy i have to say that masturbating is very
disappointing in comparison to girls masturbating. i mean
no matter what we are always reduced to our hand. we try to
hump shit, we try to back hand it, hell ive even tried actually
whacking it. which i dont understand, where did the whacking
thing come from? who the hell whacks their dick, it doesnt
feel good, im on the floor crying after just tryin to masturbate.
the only cool thing we can even try is buying some 1000 dollar
machine from skymall or something, but who the hell can spend
that much money on masturbating. the next best thing after
that is a blow up doll, now that is a sad story. but girls,
they have anything they want. they put vibrators in it, they
have dildos, strap ons, cucumbers, bananas, fingers, even
fists! you have anything you want. i wish i could be a girl
for one day, without the period of course. i would shove so
much shit up there it would be crazy. i would get toxic shock
symdrome with all the shit i would cram up in there. but let
me tell you, i wouldnt take it for granted like you bloody
savages that we call females. i just really want to have one
of your orgasms. i have no idea what thats like. i mean i
just tingle for two fuckin seconds then im pissed cuz i have
to clean the shit up. but i still try to match those two seconds
of tingly feelings for the rest of the day, hell the rest
of my life.
Our Reply:
We at Me Head
feel a great deal of sympathy for you.
Received From: Rebecca S. Gray
Subject: My Mary Janes
They're black. The tips of them aren't too square, but they
are squareish, and they're wide so that my toes have room
to spread out and stay cool. Cool toes are important. The
heels are also the same sort of square/roundishness as the
toes, and they're only slightly heels. High enough that they
feel jazzy, but they're still comfortable and practical. Like
I can run in them if I have to. The straps hook on the side
with velcro, ever so majestically hidden, but sadly, the velcro
on one shoe is beginning to pull apart... I cant seem to envision
a way to fix it. Any suggestions would be appreciated. What
is so magical about these shoes is that they look great with
any type of clothing. Like chameleons, they are normal enough
to wear as part of a corporate costume, but beat enough that
they're "me", if shoes can really be "you". When someone says,
"I like your shoes." I can always say, with a smile, "Yeah,
me too". I wear them almost everyday, and on the days when
I wear something else, I feel strange. I have never felt this
way about a pair of shoes before, with the exception of my
beat vagabond boots, of course.
Our Reply:
We're glad you are happy with your purchase from meheadshoes.com,
the world's leading provider of e-shoes, e-footwear, and e-habilement
solutions for today's fast-paced, high-tech, ultra-hyphenated
market-place.
From: Some Angela or Other
Received: Today
Hey Syg et. al.---
So I see the listing for the 2nd Tulsa shorts soiree, but
no news of such an event for Dallas. You guys said it would
be a monthly thing! Please come back to the city that never
leaves well enough alone, and I promise to buy $5 shakes for
the entire MeHead staff. Not including volunteer callipygians,
of course.
With much warmth,
Angela
Our Reply:
There is a Dallas Event on the 29th at the same
place it was before. This is fairly low-profile, nice
and casual the way we like. Clebo Rainey will perform, and
Litmus, and maybe Benjamin Allen, and definitely not Markie
Mark. Our Rolodex tells us that Matt
is in charge of all this, so write to him if you're not satisfied
yet.
From: Our Gal Bean, Recv'd Sunday
(A sequel to This
letter)
yo syg
i am happy to report that billy corgan arrived safe and sound
today except for a slight head trauma that was the result
of a careless delivery boy tipping the box that specifically
said, "fragile, do not tip!" but once he regained consciousness,
it was a performance to remember. thank-you mehead for making
my summer dreams come true!
love~
beanhead
From: Our Gal Bean, Recv'd Sunday
my wonderful summer has begun! although i am happy that it
is here, and i don't have to be at that crazy all-girls nazi
bootcamp i call a school till late august, i am sad that i
have nothing to do. the apathy has set in so i find myself
writing to you guys once more in hopes of amusement. while
all those foolish friends of mine toil away at summer school,
i sit and stare at a computer screen or color in things will
pen until i run out of ink. it is a most pitiful existence
in order to break the vicious cycle i have a list of demands:
1. dedicate a portion of this website to me 2. send me singing
telegrams every hour on the hour 3. come out with another
print issue, i don't care if you have the money or not! 4.
make weekly stops in phoenix 5. send me fun things in the
mail 6. kidnap all the members of the smashing pumpkins, and
make them get back together for one more performance, a birthday
tribute to me! i assume all of these things are in your power
and if not, become more powerful!
~bean the queen
A Reply from Syg Pound
Bean: Because of your condition (sloth), we have decided
to fulfill all your requests simultaneously. Billy Corrigan
has promised to sing all of our isses to you at your home;
he will be arriving via Fedex on Wednesday. Also, we will
be dedicating a portion of our website to you--just you wait.
From Ben Ammons, Rec'd In Person
I'm onto you guys. I've met Syg Pound, shook hands with
Michael Mason, burned one with Arboreal, listened to Amber
recite, and kicked it with Jared. Hell, I even went to the
Museum of Civil Form with Matt last week. But I don't appreciate
this John Galusha crap. The guy doesn't exist, does he? Who
is he, really?
A Reply from Michael Mason
You caught us. John Galusha is a figment of our collected
imagination. We modeled the character after equal parts Holden
Caulfield, Kierkegaard, Klaus Kinski, Nancy Sinatra, and Desmond
Tutu, which ought to be apparent once you check out "his"
website.
