Where readers come to play with Me Headers.
From Ben Ammons, Rec'd In Person
I'm onto you guys. I've met Syg Pound, shook hands with
Michael Mason, burned one with Arboreal, listened to Amber
recite, and kicked it with Jared. Hell, I even went to the
Museum of Civil Form with Matt last week. But I don't appreciate
this John Galusha crap. The guy doesn't exist, does he? Who
is he, really?
A Reply from Michael Mason
You caught us. John Galusha is a figment of our collected
imagination. We modeled the character after equal parts Holden
Caulfield, Kierkegaard, Klaus Kinski, Nancy Sinatra, and Desmond
Tutu, which ought to be apparent once you check out "his"
website.
From: Alyse
Loving , Recv'd Warmly
me head,
higher education is a crock. i am experiencing oppostition
on all sides: the parents sapped of their income, the young
history professor with something to prove, students who have
never tasted beauty or nobility and....the worst enemy of
all: my own mind. it is WEAKENING......i sorely lack any professors
with good sense and a love of wisdom. what shall i do? i depend
on my friend to give me my mehead fix, but unfortunately i
havent heard much in a while. please tell me what good news
you may have. if you have none, please make some up for my
sake, okay?
goodbye for now,
yours truly,
alyse loving
Our Reply:
The good news is that our own Marc Arboreal is being considered
for a faculty position. You will have to revert to grade 9
or 10 to get the benefit of his wisdom (he will teach Business
Law), but it is well worth it and it seemed to work for Johnny
Depp.
From: Jack
Barrett , Recv'd Awhile Back
I have to say I disagree with Mr. Ferguson's initial premise
that "Everything is Devaluing". Just today I went to a little
Indian Restaurant around the corner I'm quit fond of. It's
one of my favourite lunch-time places in Singapore but you
can imagine my shock when I discovered the price of naan had
skyrocketed overnight to Sing. $1.50 a piece! (US $0.86) That's
an increase of Sing. $0.50 (US $0.29). And everyone keeps
talking about a recession. A recession my ass! That's an overnight
inflation rate of 50%. 50%! Can you imagine that? Inflation
wasn't even that high during the 'stagflation' years under
Carter. My advice to Mr. Ferguson is to stop whining about
his MOM and drop any US $ denominated bonds in his portfolio
because once I send this little bit of information on to Alan
Greenspan, he's sure to raise interests rates at least three
quarters or a point.
Our Reply:
Neologisms like "stagflation" do not conceal your
appalling ignorance of the truth of Senegalese commerce. The
very famous trickle-up theory of Ransamat Sindh is commonly
misinterpreted as it is in your analysis. When Carter was
elected President of Senegal, commission rates and merchant
fees plummeted not because of the Federal License Waiver Act,
but as a direct result of private underwrites. Mr. Greenspan,
our fearless Captain, knows all of these mechanisms much better
than you do.
From: Sarah
Brown, Recv'd The Day Before That
Some Stay-at-Home Tips, from Me to You.
1) Do not attempt to watch TV to soothe your cough. You will
only end up aggravating every other fiber of your being. In
the 17 minutes that I withstood it, I witnessed the following
unspeakable horrors: a) Someone let Queen Latifah have her
own talk show. I recall Martin Short and Howie Mandel and
that girl from Wilson Phillips who got all of her fat sucked
out having one once as well. Did I miss the day they were
evidently just handing these out with bags of Cool Ranch Doritos
at Target? b) Do they still make Cool Ranch Doritos? If they
don't, I'm going to feel really old, because I remember when
they first came out with them. I even remember the commercial
for some reason, which involved some vacant Southwestern adobe
in the moonlight and the "sparkles" of Cool Ranch flavor floating
in through the windows. c) This is sad. This part of my brain
could be used for so many other purposes, like which direction
do you turn your tires when parking on an incline, or when
you use "lie" and when you use "lay." Instead, I remember
chip commercials from 1986. d) There are about a million commercials
announcing that there are now live bunnies at the photo place,
so come get your kids' Easter portraits with them today!!!!!!!!!
I wish that instead, there were live tigers. That's an Easter
portrait I could get behind. e) I don't even know when Easter
is this year. And I don't recall ever having an Easter portrait.
Does this make me a heathen? I do, however, recall several
unfortunate Easter hats my grandmother and mother bought me
when I was growing up, only they called them "Easter bonnets,"
just to sharpen the humiliation, I guess. Who wears bonnets
but Little Bo Peep and the Amish? Six year old Sarah Brown,
that's who. f) They weren't actual bonnets. They were ugly
hats with flowers or ribbons on them. I was the Jackie O of
the neighborhood come Easter Sunday. Just wanted to clarify.
g) Oh yeah, TV. h) There is some show called The View, wherein
four different shaped, sized and colored but equally awful
women grill one poor guest (the weird guy who kind of looks
like Fonzie from Law & Order Special Victims Unit, today)
while they sit around on big overstuffed couches and drink
coffee and hoot and act like they're all on a fucking estrogen
drip. Who lets these people represent my gender? They should
be taken out to the alley and beaten senseless with cheesecake
and Oprah books in hardcover. i) What time does Sesame Street
come on? j) Not soon enough.
2) So, when you're finished with TV, you should take a bath
and then play some Contra, but it just isn't the same without
Natty Watson. Most things aren't, I've learned.
3) I highly recommend cough syrup with codeine until you black
out. Ah, sleeeeeeep.
Our Reply:
For those of you in the know, or sort of on the fringe of
knowing, Sarah Brown is none other than comedian Nipsy Russell.
You can visit Nipsy's official site here.
From: Shota Zhavania Rec'd Just Now
Dear Sir, (or whoever you are, but I'm gonna call you
Sir) On behalf of Me, Myself and my Pretty in Pink it is my
pleasure to write to you. This brave idea was born in pain
and after severe struggle right directly today, after reading
and rereading the articles posted on your so proudly mastered
and remastered page. I have come up with the incredibly idiotic
and thus acceptable project of writing the book. Yes my fellow
Editor, Sir, the book. The whole project is still vague and
unclear, but the mainstream idea seems to be quite reasonable.
You might be not interested in the name of the book, but who
cares, I'm gonna tell you anyway. The name is: "The Story
of Cruel Elephant or the Return to Innocence" After complicated
mathematical, statistical and chemical evaluation I have figured
out what should the chapters be called. Again I do not care
if you don't want to read this. The chapters are as follows:
Chapter 1: The Trail of Innocence Chapter 2: Bugs' Tricks
Chapter 3: Evil Rabbits Chapter 4: Elephant'em All Chapter
5: Elefaligula Chapter 6: Total Revenge Chapter 7: The Return
to Innocence The first sentence should be something like this:
- Ha, ha, ha: giggled merciless hippopotamus, jumped from
branch to branch and vanished in the shrub. That's it. Pleas
report any comments to me. Total Regards, me. Copyright 2001.
All rights reserved.
Syg's Reply:
Dear Shasta, you are a visionary, I suspect. We are toying
with the idea of doing books, but are currently treading the
waters of desperation before we do so. Prior to accepting
your publication for print, we'd like a look at more than
just the first sentence, and we'd like to know if there might
be any scratch and sniff involved. Thank you for your query,
or what I think is a query but may not be exactly.
From A Guy Who Wants Michael Mason to Write Stock Market
Articles for his Newsletter
Hello Michael- Our articles are written for consumption
by clients of financial representatives who use Securities
America as their broker/dealer. These representatives operate
in two modes to generate revenues: 1) product commission sales
and 2) account management fees. A large majority of them conduct
business for account fees and may supplement their revenues
with commissions from sales of investment products and services.
The primary source of commission business of fee based reps
typically comes from insurance products while acting as an
insurance agent. The insurance products are used most frequently
to transfer assets to future generations and to a lesser extent
to protect family income. When it comes to products used in
any case, the reps may deal in pretty "dull" investments,
meaning mutual funds, variable annuities, stocks, bonds and
variable universal life in this rank order. Most of their
new business comes from referrals and from expanding business
with current clients by either assuming control over more
of their savings, by spotting opportunities to reduce taxes,
or to reduce risk through various means of financial restructuring.
Rarely does the financial rep's business depend on the classic
profile of the broker dialing for dollars by calling clients
to trade their stocks. A vast majority of these reps depend
on the more wealthy saver and investor who wants to systematically
grow or manage their wealth while minimizing risk. A great
number of these reps present their business to new clients
via information seminars. It is rare that their clients ever
made or attempted to make money routinely trading stocks.
The recent spectacle of the day-trader does not fit the typical
profiles of either the financial rep or their clients.
Michael Mason's Reply:
My tour of duty in as a PSYOPS copywiter in Haiti taught
me a few more things I forgot to mention: propaganda works
on the working class, and I'm not crazy about the stock market,
but I need to eat. I will send you a proposal outlining a
systematic approach to estate planning that should entice
your clients into either investing or dying.
From: A German Rec'vd: Just Now
While reading Me Head, my counterparts and I noticed a
similarity between the name of your publication and the late
1930's philosophical treatise Mein Kampf by one Alois Schicklgruber.
We were curious whether or not this literary masterpiece influenced
the title of Me Head which in itself is its own little slice
of genius. While the similarities of the works are mind boggling,
one area we noticed you improved upon the original was the
offering of non magical magic undergarments. In retrospect,
perhaps we would all be blue eyed and blond haired had such
an offer been made at the time of the originals publication.
Well anyways, we were just curious. Your loyal readers.
Our Reply:
Sir, you misinform our loyal readers (which is you and someone
else named Meinderstma). Mein Kampf was not written by Schicklegruber,
but by Oral Roberts. And yes, we must admit to having been greatly
influenced by the Oral tradition.
From: I. R., Recv'd: Lately
I’m usually a pretty easy going guy, you know, live and
let live etceterae. But there’s one thing that irritates me
more than pouring paint thinner into every orifice in my body.
I know you’ve seen them. Every few weeks, or every few days
during snowbird season, I’ll be bombarded with idiocy plastered
across mammoth Buicks, gargantuan trucks and especially Cadillacs.
The phrase "Don’t Mess With Texas" encrusted upon bumper stickers
seems to hover around me. I don’t even live in Texas. Why
the hell should I care about messing with Texas? Texas shouldn’t
mess with ME. I’m liable to fuck shit up if Texas walked through
my door one day with its big stupid white cowboy hat and bolo
tie and said, "Howdy, pardner, remember the Alamo?" I’d scream
"YOU GONNA DIE, TEXAS!" and spring across the room with catlike
agility and give Texas the ass-whomping that it deserved.
Then I’d go out to Texas’ big white Cadillac and spray paint,
"Don’t Mess With Me " on the back. That way everybody would
know not to mess with me, because they’d see the paint and
the sorry state that Texas was in.
Our Reply:
This is AFC Michael Mason fielding your concern. In my early
days as a fighter pilot in Granada, I learned a something about
Texans: they kill people. One of my buddies, a hard-drinking,
soupcanner named Shane Cessnan actually dropped a load of sixers
on Fiji just because he heard most of the islanders were rootin'
for Oklahoma that year. You didn't hear about it because that's
the other thing about Texans: they kill people who talk.
From: Josh Meindertsma, Feb 20th
Dear Me Head, This is Joshua Meindertsma from
Tempe, Arizona saying that I had a great time at the festival
and so did my friends. Many people thought we would not be up
for the long drive, but I guess we showed them. Speaking of the
long drive, while I was travelling on the I-40 I was pulled over,
cited and released for speeding. I was going 94 mph in a 75 mph
zone. The fine is a hundred dollars, I could either pay that or
I could contest it in court. The funny thing was, I wasn't even
scared when he put the handcuffs on me and had me sit in his patrol
car for 20-minutes. Nor was I scared when he told me my heart
could have come out of my body if I had gotten in a crash at that
speed. Maybe I should have been scared, but I felt relieved because
I did not have to drive anymore. That is about it, I look forward
to the video edition coming up. Thanks, Aloha, Joshua Meindertsma
Our Reply:
Josh, you deserve better than a hundred dollar
ticket and a Johny Cash CD. You and your pals (Hi, AJ, Lexa) could
have had a safe, quiet time in Tempe, and yet you braved nearly
forty hours of road time in one weekend to visit us. Not only
are we honored, but we are making you our Heroes for the Time
Being. You will see how this plays out, and it will be satisfying
to you, we hope.
From: The Intern's Brother, Masquerading as
the Intern
My brother wrote a song called the "Me Head
song". He wants to demo it and send it to you, in hopes of maybe
scoring an opening gig at the Film Festival. Here are the lyrics:
(monks chanting) Me Head Me Head Me Head (guitar ent) Me Head
Me Head Me Head (dischordant caucophony guitar abundance here)
Me Head (fade) Its really great. He doesn't know where he'll get
the monks, I'll check CH tomorrow --JG.
Our Reply:
Deception is not really necessary, Jared's brother.
You already have an "in" by blood, so we would be quite
honored if you played your song at our festival.
I CAN'T BELIEVE TOM AND NICOLE BROKE UP!! she
shrieked, the left leg of her pantyhose balled in her mouth, saliva
oozing down chin to up-turned skirt and warts...hollywood and
vine never looked so fine. John Grisham is dead.
Our Reply:
Not bad.
From: Aaron Janes, More Recently
im a stupid kid in mesa arizona and i got the
octoberish issue and i liked it for some stupid reason not that
your stupid its just me thats stupid i have found that the magazine
fits in my backpac right nice so i can wip it out when ever needed
and hit some body in the face with it yea so at least you know
you have one reader now kinda keep up the work
Our Reply:
You are not stupid, you are just in Mesa. We recommend
a short walk down Southern, to a coffee bar housed in a bank (is
it Southern & Mill?), and honor yourself with a latte in the
vault. That will take care of it. And if you run into
Kate
Stewart, tell her she's going to be in our film festival.
From: Joshue Gentges, Recently
I would shop for mehead boxer shorts, if only
that were possible. That way mehead would be close to me more
often, and I would only be advertising it to my intimates. I'm
not sure I'm ready for the heady experience of advertising anything
on my body for all the world to see. I would get a mehead tattoo,
but they cost too much, and I'm afraid of needles. Other mehead
clothing ideas: mehead top hats mehead Basic Dress Uniforms (with
ribbons) mehead paper hospital gown mehead leg warmers.
Our Reply:
Okay.
From: Dicky, Rec'vd Feb1
Dear Sir or Madam: I am writing to you in response
to your deplorable omission of any coverage whatsoever of His
Majesty's Royal Air Force. Though one could hardly tell to look
at your laughable publication, the actions of the RAF against
the aggressions of the Luftwaffe are almost entirely responsible
for the victory Britain has won in her skies. Notice, no more
are we regularly harassed by marauding Jerry bombers, raining
sulfur and death upon our homes. This has aught to do with the
bleeding French, and I will go to my grave proclaiming that truth.
The very fact that your 'publication' is so obviously directed
by unabashed Francophiles should be enough to have My Head banned
form Britain forever; that you use this perverse and treasonous
rag to distort history is a crime that can be punished in one
and only one way. And you know what that is. Sincerely, Dicky
Our Reply:
The RAF has issued a
vision
statement that has declared its intent to become "An
Air Force that, person for person and pound for pound, is second
to none." Inside reports say that the statement is mean literally,
and that hundreds of British pilots are gaining in excess of a
hundred pounds, hoping to outweigh the American Air Force by 2003.
We hope you appreciate this update, Dicky.
From: Jaredless in Tulsa, Recvd: 1-25-00
How do I go about renting your intern for a
day? You see my friend has a crush on him and I would like to
present her with a "Rent Me head intern" gift certificate for
her 16th birthday. I need to know the following:
1. Where do I pick him up?
2. What services come with Jared?
3. Does he come washed or will that be necessary for my friend
perform?
4. Do I need to return him cleaned?
5. Does he come fully clothed?
6. Does he come with a clothes off option?
6. a. does he come with any other options?
7. Is the rental for 24 hours or merely from 9 to 5?
8. What is his middle name and zodiac sign?
9. Is he available for week long rentals?
10. Are any discounts offered i.e. AAA, AA?
11. Is he available for prom?
11. a. If so does he come with his own Tux?
12. What kind of girl is he interested in?
13. Would he be interested in dating a certain sophomore?
14. Will Mr.. D. Ingram be available for rental anytime soon?
(If so I need all above questions answered for him as well seeing
as he is a hottie!)
Our Reply:
You can pick up a Jared the Intern at our address,
807 S. Xanthus, but we never know what time he is supposed to
be here. Currently, the only known service Jared is reliable for
is whining, as in "But I don't want to rewrite anymore, Mr.
Pound." He is clean, should be returned clean. Our intern
is also rumored to remove his clothes at least twice a week, and
is available with remote locks. If you want to rent Jared the
Intern, the rate is $50 per 4 hours, and we do give discounts
for weeklong rentals. His middle name is Lawrence, he is a tuxless
Scorpio (prone to self-love), mildly irritated by proms, interested
in girls that are females, and is interested in carbon-dating
sophomores (with a uranium counter, preferably). Mr. Ingram, Me
Head's vigilant consultant and occassional guest editor, is available
under the same guidelines for a rate of $1.14 and comes with tax
benefits.
From: Christy Mason Sent: 8-17-00
Mme. Vasse, Bonjour. Vous avez passe les bons
vacances? J'ai un question. Dans le carnet de route d'assistant
de langue, il dit qu'il faut avoir une carte d'etudiant internationale.
Puis j'obtenir cette carte a l'universite en France ou est-ce
que ca veut dire ma carte d'etudiant de TU a Tulsa? Merci pour
votre reponse.
Reply from: Vasse Martinez
Bonjour ! C'est la carte internationale, mais
fournie par votre universite a bientot mv Rectorate de Delegue
Academique aux relations internationales et a la cooperation (number
withheld).
**My wife Christy sent this email to someone
back in August of last year. Although I spent four years as a
counterintelligence officer in Granada, I can't crack the obvious
double-entendres, but I suspect the note has something to do with
ADM's price-fixing scheme. -- Off. M. Mason, Assoc. Editor
From: Pbed@aol.com Rec'vd: 23 Jan
dearest syg; i am amused with this; i am your loyal reader
whilst you are my royal leader. you cant begin to imagine the
level of biting wit and shear boredom that must be contained simultaineously,
to come to such drivel, nor the absolute disregard for spelling
one needs to butcher in the same manner i did twenty-five words
ago. i am aware that by counting my words bacwards to figure out
how far away the mis-spelled word was, that i have once again
been found guilty of showing off my gift of mental,and i apologize.
i know now that i probably should not have written you. it was
out of line. i have once again overstepped the boundaries of the
reader/writer relationship, but you do have to admit that with
the way you write, you were asking for it. i mean the way you
let your participles dangle, and the way you stretch your sentences,
so that theyre even longer than usual. i dont know what im thinking.
i better go. please dont call the police. do you know anyone thats
selling a digital camer! a? im sorry, i'll go now. peter
Syg's Reply:
Peter, here
you go. I've been thinking a lot about my proclivity for dangling,
and I've reached a conclusion: it's okay with me if it's okay
with you.
From: Ninja Soren Got It: A While Ago
What's up, doodz? Well, I was sitting in the public library
down on Thurmond Street, skimming through 'Rogue Harries', by
Hugh Walpole, when suddenly I came over feeling all peckish. So
I curtailed my Walpoling activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated
a plave of purveyance aptly named Lambrusco'z To Go, here in T-Town,
and, lo and behold, I saw a mirage. I thought to myself, I thought,
"Dost thine eyes decieve me?" Of course, I was shocked to discover
that there was a curious non-existence of another aptly-named
venture, Me Head. I saw the little box that they usually come
in, but no Me Head. I wonder if they ran out, or what. I presume
the former, as what is not too likely. As you can imagine, this
had ruined my otherwise pleasant day. Mr. D. D. Ingram has recently
informed me of the ship date for the JanuaReba McIntyre* issue
of Me Head(Jan. 1). I am anxiously marking off the days until
this glorious one arrives. Screw Christmas, I'm just happy Me
Head is coming soon. And until nest time, my pants are on backwards.
-Ninja Soren P.S.- Do you think it is possible to make a small
reference(or big) to our website, Brass Mikey. The URL is http://communities.msn.com/brassmikey
Our Reply:
Ninja: One of the startling things about our "box"
at Lambruscoz is that it only contains issues of a bridal magazine.
Even more startling is the fact that we actually like it that
way. Yes, the issue was supposed to be out last week, but there
were some horrifying screw ups and now the actual release date
is set for January 16th in Tulsa and by that weekend everywhere
else. And no, it is not possible for us to make any references
to anything, because we are not the referential types, or maybe
we are but in a very indirect way.
From: Bean Shepston Received: 1.5.01
dear syg, for the love of god, i can't believe i missed Michael
mason at coffee plantation. i blame it all on kate. if it weren't
for her and her stupid trip to colorado, i would have remembered
to go. so if it wouldn't be too much trouble could you guys post
a reenactment of the entire thing. it would mean allot to me.
your loyal reader, beanalonium of the hill people
Our Reply:
Bean, that was no Michael Mason, but an imposter Michael Mason.
The real Michael Mason will post an article about his actual whereabouts
during the past few weeks, which includes HALO
jumping, but you will have to wait for that one. We would
be happy to reenact the entire thing for you. Just let us know
when there's a good time for you.
From: Bill Pickles Received: Unsure
I just wanted to let you know that I've been driving across
town to pick up a publication and just realized that the coffee
shop (insomnia) 2 doors down is on the distribution list. I almost
signed up for a prescription to avoid the long drive. Actually
I've only driven there once and it wasn't for your paper but to
catch a film. Everything except the location of that coffee shop
has been false up to this point. That and I only have $6 so I
couldn't prescribe if I wanted to. Which I do want to, because
I don't like that coffee shop. I do like your publication, please
don't die. I'm the type of nut who enjoys the crap out of Me Head!
Our Reply:
Oh Bill, Oh Ricky. You've forced us into a corner by claiming
that everything is false. The truth is that we write a lot of
things that are absolutely true, but we leave it up to you to
discern fact from fiction. What we are trying to say is that we
have forgotten where our distribution points are, but we'll be
in Dallas next week to figure it out. Also, we are trying hard
not to die, but as of this week, we are on life support. If you're
familiar with it, check out Syg's latest report.
From: Masta P Received: Dec
16
dearest syg, i dont have much to say except that you and your
whole mehead crew should be both ashamed and proud of yourselves
for the stunts/fundraiser you tried to pull off last month. that
was you was it not? brutalizing poor widows while feeding their
fatherless children. you should be locked up and applauded. to
think of the public torment your people drove those less fortunate
through for the sake of charity. i am personally outraged and
encouraged. shame on you, your biggest fan, masta p
Syg's Reply:
You don't understand, Peter. That's exactly what the Christmas
Law of Thermodynamics is for, to help transfer heat by way of
charitable beatings and feedings. Now that you know the reason,
go and do likewise.
From: Bean Received:
Dec 12
hey, this is bean well i just wanted to say that i am very
hurt that i have not been made a star by this web site. damn i'm
getting a new agent cuz apparently this one sucks! make me a star
damnit. kate got to be a star so i think it is only fair that
i get made into one too! cuz trust me, you DON'T want me to get
into a sob story about how unloved and unpopular i was as a child!
the way i see it, you will acctually be doing mehead a favor because
i am definantly star material, and when i get rich an famous,
i just may pay for a print run of mehead, in color! ohhh, how
exciting for you. oh my mom read mehead and she thought it was
very funny, so she told some advertising guy about you guys, and
i don't know she's a crazy old lady! well if i'm not a star i
will sue, bean
Our Reply:
bean how could anyone with a name like bean not be famous if
not for her name then for her amazing run-on sentences and outright
disregard for spelling, 'cuz trust us if we had our way you would
be way more famous than yo's happy trail, which we're making the
focus of our movie, in case you didn't know?
From: Kate Stewart Rec'd: Dec.
6
Yo Syg~ i have never really been the popular girl, just the
girl they pushed into the corner and threw staples at (as children
tend to do in their own little maniacal ways). But maybe i was
popular since i was getting all of their staples, hence: all of
their love. hmmm... staples = love. you should look at that one
for a philosophical musings column.
How is the business in Tulsa going?? Riveting, i'm sure. My
life is holding up its usual mellowdrama: i am getting my first
C. moby dick took me down with ahab and his gang of merry sailors.
so very sad.
how is the sundance thing and the movie coming along?? i'm
not really familiar with the way that works, just that all sorts
of indie films win stuff. hmmmm. i'll leave you with a thought:
Indie Rock. very seldom is it indie, and rarely does it rock.
hope all is well, ~Kate
Syg's Reply:
Note to readers: Kate has recently achieved Me
Head stardom by starring in the article Mellowdrama
in Phoenix.
Dear Kate,
That damned Ahab will get you every time. Few people pick up
on the subtle symbolic hints that Melville left, but literary
critics agree that there are plenty of allusions to Ahab's
former life as a male prostitute. You can quote me in your
book report.
Also, what is Sundance? And what movie?
-Syg
From: Brook Chockley
Received: Nov 30
Dear Me Head,
What happened to all the titillating correspondence?
Our Reply:
Dear Brook,
What correspondence? You'll have to be more specific next time.
From: Rick Tianero Received:
Oct 21
greetings mehead,
every thurs. night on campus there is a new art exhibit. you can
smoke in the building and beer is served. a band usually plays
and there are sometimes short films or slideshows and a DJ spinning.
sometimes fun, sometimes not. when you don't feel like going into
LA, theres not always much going on in valencia. we went last
night after we watched the premeir of "bad behavior".
it was boring so we started taking turns reading aloud from our
outdated copy of mehead. we want to learn more about susan savage.
the people who joined in had oodles of fun.
Our Reply:
You can find out more about Susan
Savage on this exciting page.
From: Brian
Wallace
Received: Oct. 14
As I pour over the crisp white pages of
this finely manufactured mini book with the evocative title "Me
Head," I ask myself, "Who are the twisted comical genius
tricksters responsible for such blasphemy and hilarity?"
What gives that these obscurantist maniacal parody-lovin' mixed
media charlatan-pros think they can fill the rack at my local
Cosmic Cup with their elegant-looking but badly acting pulp fiction?
Our Reply:
We were just asking ourselves the same question
and came up with this answer: three or four, depending on how
you look at it.
From: A
Concerned Dad Received:
Oct. 9
I love Me Head and can not wait for the
next issue! I read (bought) "A Modest Plan" late last
week and feel much better, seeing it on paper, I have been reassured
Me Head will be around for a long time.
I do have a problem though. My daughter
has been sent to see the principle several times now for running
through the halls of her school screaming "Me Head! Me Head!"
They are suggesting she receive some mental health services. What
should I do?
Our Reply:
Mayor Savage, there is no reason to use aliases
with us. After discussing your daughter's predicament, we offer
this
as a possible remedy.
From: Liz
Received: Oct. 8
I don't know how/why your thing got onto our
campus, but I just wanted to tell you that
you guys are DAMN funny!
From: Mill Biller Sept.
16, 2000
Nobody was at FLAM Friday night.
Our Reply:
Dear Mill,
We spoke with John Cruncleton of Midwestern
Theatre, and he informed us that they are branching out into the
avante-avante-guard (sort of like off-off-Broadway). The play,
a spontaneous improv, was apparently about you showing up
at an empty theatre, looking for the scheduled event. It is high
art, on par with Godot, so consider yourself lucky, as you managed
to enjoy free theatre without any charge.
From: Ryan Dickinson
Sept. 15, 2000
Hey, Hope everything is well....haven't had the
pleasure of talking to you lately. I have another project
if you are interested.
The N**A project is going well, and we are now introducing this
concept to our other national accounts. I have attached
our President's first stab at a letter that will go out to them.
We are sending a direct mail piece that will be centered around
a "lemon" theme. We will be sending this letter
in a 4-color box along with a lemon, lemonade, lemon drops (or
something of this nature). Can you take a look at this?
As usual, yesterday would be good.
Ryan Dickinson
Director, New Business Development
A***n, Inc.
Our Reply:
Dear Ryan,
I've decided to start posting your personal requests
online, just so Me Head readers could get a look into a freelance
writer's life. I would be happy to edit the President's letter
for you as soon as possible, and I will also put the original
copy of it online.
-MM
**Our thanks to Mill
Biller for his watchful eye.**
From: Jeff
Kauffman Sept 1, 2000
Your "thing" I like very much. May
I suggest a subtitle "Chuckle Rag for the Cynical Set"
Our Reply:
Dear Jeff Kauffman,
We are glad you like our thing; rumor has
it that it likes you as well, and may email you on the matter.
Your email spurred a short discussion as the whether or not Me
Head was cynical. While the modern definition of cynical seems
to connote "aggressive doubt" or "skepticism,"
the AHD defines a cynic as someone who believes all people are
motivated by selfishness. As Sygmund Pound himself claims to be
equally motivated by peanut butter cookies, the high cost of fuel,
and Doris Lessing, we cannot wholly identify our publication as
appealing only to the cynical, but we do embrace them along with
altruists.
Our Best,
MM
From: Crcase360@aol.com
August 22,2000
I recently enjoyed a wonderful urination at Sharkey's
and happened upon your advertisement hanging above the urinal.
This unusual description of your site enticed me to check it out.
I must say i do like your site. However, being the satirist
i am, i think you should add one of those wonderful boards, like
a write the editor, where ideas and thoughts could be posted about
local events, personalities, and city politicians.
Sincerely yours,
C R Case
Our Reply:
Dear CR Case,
We know your real name, and we will disclose
it at the end of this response.
Now, we think your idea is good. So good
in fact, that your letter has become our 95 Theses, with the exception
that it is not a thesis, nor are you Martin Luther, nor did you
place 95 demands on us. You are in a position to do so, though.
Oh, we know you, alright.
With that said, we invite anyone who wants
to submit stimulata to do so using the mehead@mehead.com
address. Please do not use this for submitting your creative writing.
Also, Mayor Susan Savage--a.ka. CR Case--this will not be a forum
in which you may campaign. Please refer to the bottom of this
page for the guidelines under which this page will be administered.
Kindest Things,
SP
