a new thing by Peter
Hello! Today were going to be looking at a program
that will throw a party. First off, you need to make sure
that you have the proper headers and libraries installed. Fortunately,
these are all part of the open party project (O.P.P.), and
can be downloaded from their site at www.openbeer.org.
Once you've got the appropriate headers, et al., we
can get down to coding.
#include <alcohol.h>
<guests.h>
<smokes.h>
<music.h>
<drunkchicswhospendthenight
butdontactuallyhavesexwithyoucausetheyre
todrunktomove.h>
<iostream.h>
This is what you'll need for a basic party. Parties with
the dead-head crowd might also include weed.h and acid.h;
bachelor parties will tend to have strippers.h. Mime
parties do not require iostream.h.
Here are some of the functions that we'll need to define:
drinking, smoking, and bar. The next part of the program
will look something like this:
int bar(glass[howmuch],beverage)
{
if (glass[howmuch]=0)
/*Fill someones glass, if it is empty.*/
{
cout <<"What
do you want to drink?"; /*Fill their glasses.*/
cin >>beverage;
if (beverage=='beer')
glass[howmuch]=1;
if (beverage=='wine')
glass[howmuch]=2;
if (beverage=='vodka')
glass[howmuch]=4;
if (beverage=='nothing')
cout <<"wussy.";
else
{
beverage='pangalacticgargleblaster'
glass[howmuch]=8;
}
}
return void;
}
That takes care of what people are drinking. Of course,
we have to get them to drink it. That's what this next
function does for us.
int imbibe(glass[howmuch],guest[numberofdrinks])
{
guest[numberofdrinks]=glass[howmuch]+guest[numberof
drinks]; /*drink up*/
if (guest[number]<5)
/*Just how much have they drank.*/
cout <<"YOU'RE
NOT DRINKING ENOUGH!";
if (guest[numberofdrinks]>=5
&& guest[numberofdrinks]<10)
cout <<"OK,
LET ME HAVE YOUR KEYS.";
if (guest[numberofdrinks]>=10
&& guest[numberofdrinks]<17)
cout <<"TOGA!!TOGA!!TOGA!!";
if (guest[number]>=17
&& guest[number]<25)
cout <<"BERCK!!
SHUT UP";
if (guest[number]>=25
&& guest[number]=<30)
cout <<"Yes,
officer, everyone here is over 21.";
if (guest[number]>30)
{
cout <<"STOP
PUKING ON MY CAT!!!";
guest[numberofdrinks]=guest[numberofdrinks]-15;
}
if (guest[numberofdrinks]>=100)
{
cout <<"CALL
AN AMBULANCE!!";
guest[numberofdrinks]=-4;
}
return void;
}
OK, so that takes care of getting the guests stupid drunk.
Now we have one more routine to take care of: smoking.
This still happens at many parties, so even if you don't smoke,
you need to be prepared for guests that do.
int smoking(cancersticks,smokers)
{
if (cancersticks==0)
/*Check to see if there are cigarettes.*/
{
cout <<"HEY,
SOMEONE WALK OVER TO 7-11 AND BUY SOME SMOKES.";
cancersticks=60;
/*Buy more cigarettes if needed.*/
}
cancersticks=cancersticks-smokers;
/*All the smokers smoke.*/
return void;
}
Now let's put all this together. First, we should define
our variables.
int main(void)
{
int numberofdrinks/*determine
just how sloppy drunk a guest is.*/
int cancersticks
/*How many smokes there are.*/
int smokers
/*How many guests will have a cancerstick.*/
int howmanyguests
/*How many guests will be at your party.*/
int howmuch
/*How much is in a glass.*/
int counterthingie
/*You always need a counter.*/
int countertwo
/*Let's make it a double.*/
int allpurposeint
/*You can never have too many integers.*/
string beverage
/*What are they going to drink?*/
Now that we have the variables, let's give them values and
things of that
nature.
cout <<"How many
people are supposed to show up?";
cin >>howmanyguests;
/*how many people are coming*/
howmanyguests=howmanyguests+13;/*How
many people are REALLY coming.*/
cout <<"Ok, you
have "howmanyguests "showing up to this party. How
many of them smoke?";
cin >>smokers;
/*How many smokers are coming?*/
cout <<"How many
will have their own cigarettes?";
cin >>allpurposeint;
/*See, it's useful?! Finding out how many
smokes there will be.*/
cout <<"How many
cigarettes do you have?";
cin >>cancersticks;
allpurposeint=allpurposeint*12;
cancersticks=cancersticks+allpurposeint;
int guest[howmanyguests]
/*Initialize the guest array, to keep
track of drinking and give
everyone a glass.*/
int glass[howmanyguests]
for(counterthingie=0; counterthingie<howmanyguests;
counterthingie=counterthingie+1)
{
numberofdrinks=counterthingie;
howmuch=counterthingie;
guest[numberofdrinks]=0;
glass[howmuch]=0;
}
cout <<"How much
money is in the beer fund (rounded to the nearest dollar)?";
cin >>allpurposeint;
/*Again, it comes in handy.*/
allpurposeint=allpurposeint/10;
/*How much alcohol do we have.*/
Now that all that is out of the way, we can really get this
party going.
for (counterthingie=0;
counterthingie<allpurposeint; counterthingie=counterthingie+1)
{
for (countertwo=0;
countertwo<howmanyguests; countertwo=countertwo+1)
{
countertwo=howmuch;
countertwo=numberofdrinks;
bar(glass[howmuch],beverage); /*drinking...*/
imbibe(glass[howmuch],guest[numberofdrinks]);
}
smoking(cancersticks,smokers);
/*and smoking...*/
} /*Party
ends when the beer supply runs out;*/
cout <<"WE'RE OUTTA
BEER!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!";
cout <<"I guess
the party's over."; /*The party's over.*/
cout <<"Yeah.
Hey, where's Berck?";
cout <<"He passed
out after eating some newspaper.";
cout <<"Oh.";
CleanUp(void);
/*This function is defined
in the header file
drunkchicswhospendthenightbutdontactuallyhavesexwith
youbecausetheyretoodrunktomove.h*/
return void;
}
And there we have it. A complete party waiting to be
compiled. Be careful when you run it, however
as you might get complaints from the neighbors.
return void.
}
odi et amo. qvare id faciam, fortasse reqviris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrvcior.
-catvlli, carmina LXXXV
Ed.'s Note: You are about to enjoy the
finest diversions ever available to mankind. They will astound,
befuddle, and amuse you. They will make you rich and smart.
Experience them as many times as you want.
