YOUR FUTURE IN THE CARDS:
A personal tarot reading for you...
by nineveh@prodigy.net
1. Significator - You Now
TEN OF WANDS
Life is too short to slave away in a gray, featureless cubicle.
You ought to switch careers. Why not shepherding or making pantyhose
dolls?
2. Present - Your Current Circumstances
THREE OF SWORDS
Your friends have disappointed you deeply. But have forbearance
-- few relationships can weather a game of Candyland played
with the level of intensity and bloodthirstiness you have been known
to exhibit.
3. Obstacle - What Challenges You Now
PAGE OF WANDS
Travel problems stand in your way. You may want to save room in
your luggage for some extra-strength flea collars, several rolls
of duct tape, and the Consumer Information Center pamphlet, "Life
With Scurvy: A Guide to Coping."
4. Past Influences - What Has Led You To This Point
THE DEVIL
Your inner weakness of character and lack of personal responsibility
has made you the perfect pawn in the plans of the rampaging forces
of darkness. But don't feel bad. You can't be blamed for being yourself.
5. Future Influences - What You Desire
THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE
Fate spins its wheel, and you are the little metal ball that rides
around and around inside, waiting to stop on that lucky number.
Will you or won't you? Only the insurance adjustors know for sure.
6. Past Circumstances - What Is Passing Away
FIVE OF CUPS
Your car keys are in a crumpled fast-food sack in the back of an
old pickup headed to Oregon, but the magical tale of how they got
there will remain forever unknown to you.
7. Future Circumstances - What Is Coming to Be
FIVE OF PENTACLES
The bank will be unfair to you in the forthcoming seven days. Why,
anybody could've misread "$345.78" as "$3.58"
and their refusal to see things your way will strike you as uncommonly
draconian.
8. Your Role - Where You Stand Now
THE FOOL
How many times must you be told? WALK/DON'T WALK are not interchangeable.
9. Your Environment - Your Surroundings and Influences
SEVEN OF SWORDS
Your suspicions were correct. Your elderly neighbor's Shih Tzu is
Baphomet incarnate. Proceed accordingly.
10. Your Hopes and Fears
ACE OF CUPS
Passionate, all-consuming, sexually satisfying and emotionally fulfilling
love can be yours. For a price.
11. The Outcome
DEATH
Your life is a one-way street to oblivion, with several stops along
the way for bleak encounters with other lost souls, stressful underpaid
positions with no discernible goals, and a sense of subliminal,
unfocused despair. Look into that "Shepherding For The Information
Age" course at TCC. It could change your future, and make a
difference in the lives of countless sheep and goats.
