Jared vs. Dinner
a scorecard
by Jared Gilbert, Me
Head Intern
6:55 PM First Quarter
| 0 |
0 |
| Chicken Breast (3pts). |
0 |
| Corn 1 pt |
0 |
Despite the initial effects of pre-game "jitters"
on both sides of the field, Team Jared eventually opened scoring
with a strategic low-blow on Team Dinner's star Chicken. They
continued their unanswered scoring run with a quick, rapid-fire
corn tackle. At the end of first quarter play, it appeared as
if Team Jared would roll, continuing its unabashed winning streak
in Meal League divisional play.
7:05 PM Second Quarter
| Jared |
Dinner |
| Corn (1 pt). |
Mild Nausea (2 pts.) |
| Green Beans (2 pts). |
Gas (6pts.) |
Team Dinner finally broke the silence, striking
back with a classic nausea/gas 1-2 combo. Team Jared, not to be
outdone, continued to steadily pick apart Dinner's weak defense,
racking up points with additional hits on weak T.D. players green
beans and corn. At half time, things looked tight as both competitors
took a short break from play to consider alternate second half
strategies.
7:08 PM Third Quarter
| Jared |
Dinner |
| Chicken (1pt) |
Discomfort (1pt) |
| Corn (1pt) |
Gas (6pts) |
| Green Beans (2pts) |
Stomach Cramp (8pts) |
| Coffee (2pts) |
Gas (6pts) |
Team Dinner reaped the rewards of their intense
off-season work ethic, as an overwhelming lack of endurance began
to cause problems for Team Jared, as injury began to emerge as
a concern. T.J., not yet ready to admit defeat, continued to tread
along, scoring steadily with acrobatic coffee volleys and cross-court
green bean winners. However, Dinner nailed the coffin shut in
the late third quarter with a definitive Stomach Cramp 8 pointer.
7:11 PM Fourth Quarter
| Jared |
Dinner |
|
Chicken (1pt)
|
Indigestion (10 pts!)
|
| Corn (1 pt) |
Gas (6 pts) |
| Green Beans (2pts) |
Gas (6 pts) |
| Coffee (2 pts) |
Heartburn (9 pts) |
| Ice Cream (5 pts) |
Gas (6 pts) |
The match became increasingly embarrassing for T.J.-
barring a fluke Ice Cream double near the end of play, the night
was clearly Team Dinner's. With an exceptional Indigestion move,
followed closely with 3 Gas shots on goal, it was obvious Team
Jared was out of commission for the night. Questioned after the
game, Team Jared manager Gilbert denied comment, rushing to vent
frustrations from obviously sub-par play. While Dinner rolls onto
the finals, Team Jared returns tomorrow for their Round Robin
grudge match against Team Breakfast.
Final Score:
Jared, 23
Dinner, 64
