SATAN, POSING AS GEORGE
W. BUSH,
REPLIES TO CHILDREN'S
LETTERS
by Jody Coleman
Dear Lucifer,
How come they call you “The Morning Angel?” Is
it because you act nice in the morning? I was just wondering because
my dad has been calling me the morning angel lately.
Andrea Byers, age 9
Satan's Reply:
Why, Hello there, Andrea! Under my "Morning Angel"
plan, if you pay income taxes, you get a tax cut. If you are a low
or moderate income worker, you get the biggest percentage tax cut.
I'd want to be a morning angel, too, if it means that much!
-Love George
Dear Satan,
I heard that I can sell my soul to you for anything.
Do you have any Pokemon cards?
Ellen Fielding, age 8
Satan's Reply:
Well, aren't you a sweetheart, Ellen! I'll bet your
parents are low-income workers, huh? It just so happens I
want to empower low-income parents of students stuck in persistently
failing schools with the option of transferring to another public
school, or using their share of federal funding to pay for another
option of their choice (including tutoring, a charter school, or
a non-public school). How's that grab you?
-Love George
Dear Mr. Devil,
Why isn’t Darth Vader in hell? I am bad too, but
not that bad yet.
Larry Burns, age 8
Satan's Reply:
Larry-
Let's get one thing straight! Darth Vader was never
really bad! Why? Because he was defending his position. Rogue nations
are developing missiles capable of hitting American soil, as well
as threatening our allies and forces overseas. Defending America
itself must now assume a high priority.
See you soon!
George
Dear Satan,
I heard my mom tell my dad that he’s a demon in
the bedroom. Did you do that? My mom says it’s okay with her.
Ted Simpson, age 9
Satan's Reply:
Dear Ted,
I'll bet you're adopted! I'm going to make the adoption
tax credit permanent and provide $1 billion over five years to increase
the tax credit from $5,000 to $7,500 to families for non-reimbursable
expenses associated with the adoption of a child.
Love, George
Dear The Devil,
Remember that time you kicked Arnold Schwarzenegger’s
ass? That was cool. I saw it on HBO.
Bobbi Littles, age 7
Satan's Reply:
Bobbi, Bobbi!
I didn't kick his ass! I was just teaching him a little
lesson for marrying into the wrong family.
Love, George
Dear Satan,
Santa did not bring me the Daisy BB gun I asked
for this year. Could you put him in hell for awhile, just until
he listens?
Max Hatley, age 8
Satan's Reply:
As soon as you turn 18, I hope you'll be able to buy
your own hand-cannon, Max! Just ask Texans how much they like carrying
concealed weapons!
Love, George
