DR. GENE'S MAKING OUT FAQ'S
Q: What is a hickey?
A hickey is a cancerous tumor that appears on the
neck or elsewhere after your skin has been in contact with a highly
diseased individual. For every hickey you accrue, you can detract
seven years from your life expectancy.
Q: My girlfriend's ears do not taste very good.
What can I do?
A: Unsavory ears are a condition suffered by many
people, but they can easily be remedied. Simply puree your favorite
food (egg rolls, hot dogs, steak, pizza), and pour a generous
amount into your mate's ear canal. Salt and pepper to taste.
Q: My boyfriend salivates excessively while making
out. Is there some way I can sell that?
A: Saliva banks are an increasingly popular way
for kids to make pocket money and help eliminate Cottonmouth syndrome.
Check your local business listings for a saliva bank in your area
(look in the yellow pages under "Banks - other").
Q: Is it illegal to use Roman Candles or sparklers
when I make out?
A: Most fireworks handling requires a special license.
If you already possess a license, you can use fireworks provided
you remain outside the city limits. If you live within the city,
you should limit yourself to smoke bombs and those snapping paper
things.
Q: When I make out, I get a tingly feeling between
my legs. How can I get more of that?
A: The tingly feeling you refer to is most likely
cause by gas build-up. Simply eat more fast food prior to making
out, and you may be able to increase the feeling. It has been
suggested that any beans consumed ought to be swallowed whole
to increase methane emission, but this is difficult to measure.
Q: I don't have a mate yet. How can I practice making
out?
A: Younger people often use pillows, but this often
results in poor technique and a soggy pillow. I recommend pets,
as they are often curious also. If you do not have pets, then
try making out with a shower head.
