AND
YOU THOUGHT KARL MARX
HAD
BAD IDEAS
by
Jared Gilbert
I am unruly. The world needs to wake up and take note
of my blatant unruliness. However, my extreme unruliness has not
left me blind to reason. If, for some reason, the entire world is
unwilling to listen or perhaps blocked by some sort of country-intensive
language barrier, then at least the entire English-speaking population
should take note. And if that population has run short on paper
or pencils and is unable to take notes, they ought to at least try
and memorize a few bits of what I'm saying here. That's because
they're going to be quizzed, and it will count towards their final
grade. I can say these things because I am an unruly guy in an extreme
way, and I give tests over whatever I want to.
People often ask, "You seem pretty mild-mannered. How
are you unruly?"
My response? How am I not unruly? I walk down my school halls
without regard for other students or faculty, and oftentimes, without
regard for walls or other large immovable objects. I have bruises
to show and have sustained a few mild concussions, but these are
merely small consequences involved with the entire scheme of being
unruly. You dance with the bull you get the horns.
When I go to the mall, I'm so unruly I refuse to even use
the normal pedestrian entrance. After all, those entrances are so…
pedestrian. If you're unruly as I am, you're hardcore enough to
buzz the handicapped
access button and let the doors open for you. And if you're an unruly
handicapped individual, you should just break through the glass
doors. Use that wheelchair, use it to reach ultimate unruliness.
Power. Truth. Unruliness.
When I go to the library my unruliness hits a new extreme.
Dewey Decimal Systems? I don't think so. Not for an unruly soul
like me. I choose instead to misfile books and possibly rearrange
records and tapes. On any of my excursions, I may or may not choose
to file Hitler's autobiography under Fictional Romance, or perhaps
place Bach's 5th symphony in the Alternative section. If there were
a category for Unruliness, all the books would be about me.
When I go to the movies, they ought to show a preview about
me getting unruly in the theater. Because that's what movies are
for. Me getting unruly.
In fact, I suppose that is what life in general is about.
Unruliness.
Is there any other way of life, really? Mahayanan monks in
Tibet may pretend to act sedate and somber while pondering the nature
of existence, but it's quite obvious that they are only fantasizing
about the opportunity to get unruly. That leaves us with only one
blatant conclusion: Get unruly before it gets you.
