OKLAHOMANS PREFER FORCE TO PHYSICS
by Alyssa Pellegrino
While many professional scientists are raising an uproar, Oklahomans
prefer to use their common sense when determining educational content.
Tuesday,
Oklahoman voters indicated that they prefer Old Testament creationism
be taught instead of evolution in public schools. Two days later,
legislators are now proposing a follow up bill that would mandate
the teaching of George Lucas’ Laws of Physics instead of the worldly
views offered by Einstein and Newton.
“People
don’t understand that the Force is more important than gravity. I
use it for cleaning those tough-to-reach spots in my bathrooms,” explains
homemaker Loretta Blaylock. She says her ninth-grade chemistry class
at Jenks
Intermediate never even mentioned midi-chloridians
or light saber technology.
Lucas’
laws suggests that there is an energy that binds all things together,
and that one can use this energy to perform telekinetic tricks to
minimize labor and brainwash enemies. Proponents say Force-masters,
or Jedis, could possibly aid stranded motorists or convince ticket-takers
to let them into a movie for free.
“Just
tell me one practical application we have for Newton’s Law of Gravity! Zero!” exclaims Blaylock, despite a universe of scientific
evidence. Although there is currently no physical proof of Lucas’
laws, Blaylock and others believe it’s just a matter of time before
“somebody proves something.”
The
Lucas Bill is expected to pass early next year.
