The fact that
none of the listed candidates possess the facial feature alluded
to was initially quite daunting for the Election Commission.
But Dr. Marsden James, a local amateur graphologist ad pedophile,
conclusively theorized that the inscription was “not the handwriting
of a Democrat.” Based on this, the president-elect was in the
middle of being announced when…
Unbelievably…
Another voice
chimed in! This time it was Gretta Starkes of Marsden, Ohio
– by cell phone. She noticed that Buffett had actually written
the name "Lois" inside the write-in slot on the ballot.
Did Buffet
actually intend for Lois Degroot, a Ft. Lauderdale diva and
registered independent, to count as his presidential pick?
A glance a
the lyrics to “Manana” from Buffett’s classic album Son
of a Son of a Sailor confirms or at least cultivates
the suspicion:
Customs
man tell her that she's gotta leave
She's got a plan hidden up her shrewd sleeve
Wants to find her a captain, a man of strong
mind
And any direction he blows will be fine.
Whether these two
pieces of evidence will be enough to convince has yet to be
seen. The most likely scenario is that Degroot would not
take office – despite winning the important Buffett vote – because
she was narrowly defeated (48% to 0.000001%) by both of the
major party candidates, and also by Ralph and Pat.
In other news, Gloria
Strickland and Joe Schriner have, as predicted, received 0 votes
each.
Full results here.
And to make matters
more complicated, Buffett has "taken a Cuba
Libre weekend" at an undisclosed location and isn't
expected to be available for comments until next week.
