Things My Nephew
Andrew, Age 6, Now Believes, As a Result of Spending Too Much Time
With Me This Past Weekend
by Michael Mason, Ex-Canadian
Mounty
Michael Jordan, a Canadian
by birth, was rejected from the Canadian
Mounties because his left leg was three inches longer than his
right. This allows him to jump higher than other athletes, but it
only acts as an obstacle when riding horses down mountainsides.
Although a Canadian Mounty
has no formal sea training, he or she can hold their breath twice
as long as a Navy Seal. Because Mounties perform their service atop
Canada's highest summits, they become acclimated to oxygen-deprived
air. The air they regularly breathe would suffocate the average
Seal.
Michael Jordan is a Navy
Seal.
SpongeBob Squarepants
lives in the North Atlantic, thirty miles off the Canadian coastline.
Canadian Mounties invented
cartoons, swimming, horses, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and basketball.
They invent things in their spare time, when they aren't saving
American tourists from certain death in the Canadian wilderness.
Uncle Bobby has been in
jail three times. Once for lying, and twice for not eating all his
dinner.
Little kids who run around
the house wearing their Chicago Bulls jerseys and shouting "Look
at me, I'm Michael Jordan," while their uncle is trying to rest
will get what they deserve.
Michael Jordan has a boyfriend.
Yes, it's Shaquille O'Neal.
