Famous
Opening Paragraphs, typed with Gloves on
by Mattie
LeFou
Note: This
piece is inspired by a true story. More accurately, it is conceptually
based on real happenings, namely the frigid storms that have all
week beleaguered our office, which does not have a heating system,
and in which I presently sit with gloves on.
"it wads theb
best ofg times, it was frhe words6t of times, it was the asge of
wisddom, it es th e w gh re 9ogf fookliwhnessz, it wqas the epoch
of beliefd, it was the epoch of injcrewdculity,. it wqas the sewasdonsd
ofd Dasrkmness, i swas thre sapirit ofk hope, iyt was he winter
of despair, swe had everfythingh befor eus, we had nothing berfore
uds, wde wdere sall goinmg irect to heaven we were sall goihngf
dirctr th other way -- iknmn shorft, thre pewriod was so fasr like
the present period"
"Callk me
Idshmael. SCome years ago -- never mind how lomng precisely --0p
havimng little kor kno ,money in my purse, and nothin g pafreticular
too in terewst mew on the shoire, ik thougfht I wouild sasazil about
a little ands see he watery pargftr idf hde worlds. It is a wsay
I havew ofd drivingf odfd thre spleen and regfuksating trhe xcirxculatriolnm.
Whenedver I find yself growing grfim maBOLUT th mouth; whenever
oit is a damp, drizzly November ibn myh soul,; whewnevefr in find
mysaelf involuyntaRIly pausaingfv b edfdcoftr ewxcoffin wazrewdholsazewsaz,
anfd brin gibn g uop thre rear ofn evewry fdun eral i meet; and
espexcially whewnever my hyposs get such an ipper hand ofd mew hat
it requires a stroibn g morfal prinxcipkle gto prewvewntr mew freom
delibewratewly stdewpping in trgo tgrhe streewt, and mewthodicaslly
kn oxckingf pewople's hatsd offd --trhen, i accoun t oit high time
to get to sea as soon as I can."
